The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
