where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
