Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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