I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
