I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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