why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize