...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish you could order shots online.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
