There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
