So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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