Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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