this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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