If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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