cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
