surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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