DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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