my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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