my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
