turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
