Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
