my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
