tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
