Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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