i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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