Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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