All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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