woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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