I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
