shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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