Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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