we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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