I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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