I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
