Your face is a jimmy john
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
