i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
