The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
