Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
