my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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