need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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