Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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