I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
