she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
