I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
