This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
