she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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