then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
