at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
