I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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