It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
