you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
