I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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