Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
