I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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