miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
