quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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