Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
