So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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