New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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