He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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