It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
