I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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