I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
