Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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