he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
