I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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