Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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