who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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