She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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