So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
