So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
