It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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