Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
