Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
