I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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