I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
