dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
