The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
