my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
