Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
