Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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